Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Pam, our WONDERFUL physical therapist came this week. She now comes about once a month. She was really pleased with his progress. We now have "big boy" exercises to do, working on climbing and cruising, stand up and sit down. I have to work on finding time between chasing him and feeding him to do his exercises. Of course, we WILL do them. Aaron will exercise, me hmmm...not so much.
Most exciting, as referenced in the title...Aaron is definitely waving hi. He has done it a little for a month but tonight he clearly and repeatedly waved to my mom and dad. Won't wave to mommy of course. That's OK, I'll take it. It was beautiful.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
His eating is about the same, maybe slightly better. I think he is teething, because he has not slept more than a 3 hour stretch all week and I see 3 little nubs on top.
Funny Sam story.... he pushed me after I had the audacity to beat him at basketball tonight ( I usually let him win, but he was ripping on the girls team, and my feminist leanings kicked in!). He actually surprised me enough to knock me over and Matt really got after him. He had story hour taken away, which was very upsetting to him. However, after he calmed down, he changed his tune, saying that he needed a "break" from story anyway.Anything to end up in the right...can't imagine where that comes from :)
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Sam still wears M despite the humiliation that is this season.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
I'm writing this note to let you know how helpful Sam has been at school lately. He is always a very good listener. He has been working very hard at cleanup time especially. He tries to keep the children motivated during this difficult time of day. He has shown tremendous leadership with the younger children and is setting a fantastic example of how to behave...
His problem solving skills are also developing. When there is a conflict, Sam is always calm and uses his words. He also shares a lot of ideas about how to solve other problems in the classroom. He always treats other children in teh room with respect. He is a very good boy who makes good choices. We really enjoy having him.
We are so proud. It has been a trying time for Sam with all the attention focused on Aaron lately and he seems to be handling it really well.
Here are two golf videos. The putt was awesome but his celebration is just too much. Listen to my dh in the background. Too cute.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
And he fights his MOTHER!
So, I have always felt that parenting required you to be a sort of benevolent dictator. With Sam, that is mainly the case (though he is feeling his oats lately too!) However, there is clearly someone in charge of Aaron's life and that person is, drumroll please, Aaron.
He sleeps when and where he wants to (generally hardly ever and in my arms) he eats when and how he wants, you get the drift. Today I tried to feed him in the highchair, no go. His Sabba tried to feed him, no go (and this man could feed the anorexic Olson) Then, I put him in Sam's booster, and he ate a really great meal. He is so independent. And a TEMPER. We have put up cushions in the living room to box him in, which he hates!! Hates. He now can fling himself over the cushion, headfirst.
So, quite a kid. I hope he is doing all his rebelling now. On a more troublesome note, he is not gaining weight. I took him to the office and he has only gained an ounce since his 6 month check.
His growth chart is not pretty. So, I spoke to his allergist and he has to stay on the Neocate formula (thus, I am still pumping and going soy/dairy/nut/egg free) and he advised us on some ways to get more calories to him. The general consensus seems to be to encourage more solids. Fine with me, but as I said...I am not running the show. I am trying really hard not to obsess over it.
In my next blog....I am going to excerpt a wonderful letter we got about Sam- he is also a superstar!!!!!!
Signing off...a dreary UM fan
Friday, October 3, 2008
So, what I wanted to say is...I really, really enjoyed nursing Sam. It's hard to explain to those who haven't breastfed and plenty of nursing moms never feel this way, but I did. And because day in and day out I talk to moms about the pros of breast feeding, it never occured to me that I wouldn't be able to. I miss almost everything about it. I miss the snuggles, the milky smile, that mom-baby pair and exclusivity of being the one and only one to provide the baby's preferred feeds. I miss the ease of always having food available. I miss knowing that I am doing the best for my kid. I miss sitting at the mall with the other nursing moms, kind of an exclusive club of sorts. I miss feeding sitting indian style at the park with the baby in my lap. I miss the guilty pleasure of having to stop whatever I was doing to feed the baby, laying side by side in my bed or on the couch. So I think part of the reason I have kept pumping is that in addition to believing strongly that breast milk is best for Aaron, he and I didn't get to have that experience, and the minute I stop pumping, that chapter of my life is over. And I hadn't been ready to say goodbye.
But, recently, I finally was ready. And now....I can't stop. So, I am blogging now waiting for my date with the pump at midnight. A poor substitute for Mr. Baby Right...que sera...
Monday, September 29, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Sam has had a little bit of trouble with the new development, mostly because Aaron is getting extra attention and into Sam's stuff! Mostly, though, he takes it in stride. We start almost every morning with the following song... sung by Sam
" Good Morning to you, Good morning to you, your brother sure loves you, and your mommy does too!"
What a special person he is.
Heard this week about another cool cap baby. I have been thinking of that poor family and hoping the baby does well. This week at the hospital, EVERYONE asked about Aaron. It is so nice that people care, but it gets exhausting. Thank goodness that he is doing so well, or else it would be even harder.
These are not great videos. One is too dark, but I can't figure how to delete it. The other doesn't show what he can really do. I will try to post better ones soon.
Monday, September 15, 2008
This is a happy story about a cool cap survivor
This is one of the study results. This is not the strongest of the trials, but still showed some improvement with cooling.
The pilot study
A study of kids with neuro injuries in general with outcomes.
One of my favorite stories
The UM press release-
This is a friend from my uterine rupture support group. Her little boy had the cooling cap and is unfortunately severely disabled.
This site is so wonderful describing a mom and son with CP and how he has done. He is off to college :). If Aaron has CP, I think this will be a useful roadmap.
Well, that's it for now. I will probably do this again sometime. I am neurotic about googling these sites.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Matt and I will be married 10 years this summer. I think so far, we are doing pretty well with all the changes this year has bestowed upon us. When I woke up from the anesthesia after Aaron was born, my first thought was "did the baby survive" ? My second thought was "how will Matt ever forgive me?". He says that no forgiveness is necessary---and I have never felt blame from him for one minute, which I am grateful for. I can honestly say that despite the ups and downs of daily living, he has been a rock for me at times, and me for him at times. Not to mention that, thank goodness...we are both voting for Barack! I am glad we aren't a "mixed" marriage politically :)
Heard today about another baby who was sent from SJ to UM tonight for cooling cap. I really felt a pang thinking about that poor baby and family. If they ask me to go speak with her, I will. A fellow physician whose daughter is Sam's age and was cooled came to speak to us, and it helped a little. Of course, you only really care how your baby does, but it does give you some hope.
Rounding at SJ remains hard. The first day of the week is always the worst. Every time I walk past Triage room 1, I remember hearing that slow heart rate and the gasp of the nurses with the blood. I try to block out the thoughts but it is almost impossible. Luckily, once I get to the Pediatrics side of things, I feel better. I am really glad that I stayed over in the delivery side of things after Aaron was born, because the Mother Baby Unit still feels like work turf since I was never a patient there.
Speaking of SJ, last Thursday I ran into the neonatologist and pediatrician who resuscitated Aaron. The neonatologist was the one who told me he survived but gave me all the disastrous news about his condition. I remember she had tears in her eyes then. We were certainly acquainted, but I didn't know her well prior to Aaron. I always thought of her as seeming very confident, no-nonsense, all business. Turns out she definitely has a soft side. I took Aaron to a conference and she was so excited to see him. She practically grabbed him from me to hold him and was amazed by how he was doing. She actually got very emotional. She had told me once before that Aaron took years off of her life (yeah, me too!) and I could tell he was special to her. So of course, I absolutely adore her and will never have words to thank her.
No pics/video today, I will add some soon.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Anyway, yesterday, Sam was home from school for the whole day, and I was so looking forward to spending the day with him. All morning, Aaron cried and fussed. I couldn't get him to take more than 2 ounces. So of course, Sam was left to play by himself again. He is starting to get wise to the fact that Mama always has to take care of Aaron. I was so upset I had to put him down to fuss and call Matt for moral support. I was crying by then too! Finally, I just packed Aaron up and we went berry picking as planned, which was fun. Then Aaron screamed the entire 25 minutes home, despite me trying to feed him several times. When we got home, he ate as if nothing had happened. It just makes every attempt at normalcy difficult. Especially since I am not one to sit home a whole lot.
As usual the afternoon and evening was better. Our babysitter and dear friend came by and couldn't believe how good Aaron looked. He took his solids great. Matt was gone at a meeting and the boys and I had dinner together. Aaron was doing so well with solids that I gave him his first teething biscuit (dairy free) which he loved. He fell asleep and I stayed up getting things ready for the next day. Just when I was ready to fall into bed exhausted, he woke up. He then screamed horribly for almost 2 hours. I was ready to take him for a drive or to the ED because he was nearly inconsolable, when he finally fell asleep around 130 am. He slept for a couple of hours, was up at 330 and then I had to get up to make it to a meeting for work at 530. Then once again, bad bottle this AM. He continues to do well with solids, so that's good.
Maybe it was the biter biscuit...
Anyhow, today, I was pretty exhausted. We had a good experience seeing the ladies who saved Aaron's life, which I will save for another post. He also had his hearing test, which he was not very cooperative for and needs to be repeated in a month. By the afternoon, I felt sick with fatigue and frustration. I have tried hard to not interfere too much with Matt's hours at work, since he is our main earner now, but when he called, I asked if he could come home early. He did- thanks honey- and I just went to bed for an hour and a half. I didn't even make dinner and you know what, we made do! The sleep was indescribably wonderful! I feel so much better and a lot better able to care for Aaron and Sam tonight and tomorrow. I am hoping for a better day tomorrow...
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Me with the boys and their cousin at the beach
Feedings are going much better. Though he is not taking appreciably more EBM/formula, he is taking his solids a lot better. Today he actually seemed excited about his peas and cereal, more like a typical baby. And his bottles are going down more smoothly. The food allergy angle seems to have really helped, so it makes this crazy diet worthwhile. Though I really miss ice cream...not that I NEED it :)
He is starting to get around the living room like a fast inchworm. Sam was my sloth, Aaron my worm! However, he is getting better on all 4s, crawling not too far off. He already likes to crawl to Sam's stuff, which has caused some irritability in big brother. Sam wanted to know if we could send Aaron back to G-d. I guess that question was bound to happen!
Speaking of Sam, he said the cutest thing today...we were getting out of the car and he says, what can I help you carry, Mama? I love that he still calls me Mama, too.
Well, I was able to make a video, but it is really dark, so I am going to try again. I may need to ask my sister's SO for computer/camera advice :).
Monday, September 8, 2008
This week has been momentous for us. Aaron turned 6 months old. It has brought back a lot of memories of his birth and feels like a big milestone. Part of that is because the doctors taking care of him always told us that we'd be able to know a lot more about his prognosis at 6-8 months. We look at him now, and he is sitting, babbling, trying to crawl. I honestly well up with tears at least 5-6 times a day at this point. I just am so grateful and I feel this awesome sense of relief. Am I sure that he will run the bases with his brother? No, but I am pretty sure he will walk the dogs. Am I sure that he will talk on time and have no cognitive challenges? No, but I am very sure that he loves and "gets" peek-a-boo games, will probably say Mama and Dada and will have a great time going to Disney someday. 6 months ago, I prayed for his life, 5 months ago, I prayed he would be able to use his arms and recognize us, now I honestly can say that I mostly just offer up prayers of thanks. (Ok, with the occassional wish for an "easy" life for him, whatever that means!)
So, amazingly, Aaron is meeting all of his 6 month milestones. He is one determined kid. The biggest concern from his well visit is his weight. He is at the 35th or so percentile for weight, 85th for height, and 40th for head (yay). My concern is that he has only gained 4 ounces in a month. However, we recently found out that he has allergies to milk/egg proteins found in my breast milk and he has seemed much more comfortable with eating since I went on the elimination diet from hell. Hopefully that will translate into better eating, more calories and GROWTH! He has been evaluated twice by a speech therapist who says his oral motor skills are fine, and we have a new occupational therapist coming this week for another opinion.
Anyway, I feel I am witnessing a everyday miracle (don't even get me started on those commercials with that Sara McLachlan song, I blubber everytime it is on) and whatever the future may bring for Aaron, he is already so far ahead of what ANYONE (except for probably his faithful Bubbe and Saba) expected. I am going to try to add some video of his trying to crawl this week.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
When we brought Aaron home, we felt pretty good about how he would do. His MRI showed "moderate" damage to the motor areas, especially, of his brain, but we were also told the MRI was not entirely predictive and that he "looked good." He was nursing some, and doing OK with his bottles. This feeling didn't last long. Aaron would nurse for no more than 5 minutes at a time, before refusing to take more. He did slightly better with bottles, but still required a lot of encouragement. Worse, he constantly cried and arched, a sign of neurologic abnormality. Every time he did it, I felt sick. While I accepted that Aaron might have special needs, this seemed so severe. I wondered what kind of life my little guy would lead? I worried that he seemed so miserable all the time. He cried incessantly in the bath, in the carseat. I certainly knew babies could be colicky, but I was certain that was too ordinary of an explanation in light of what my extraordinary boy had been through.
I can't describe the fog of gloom that hung over us that first month. I am sure I suffered from some post partum depression. I had flashbacks of my labor and Aaron's birth daily. Matt and I wondered how we would cope with caring for a severely impaired, not interactive child. I worried our entire family would fall apart. I didn't feel I had the energy for anything positive. I felt very sorry for Aaron, but also for myself. Thank goodness I had the support of my parents especially, but also my sister and some very good friends. I tried counseling, but really started snapping out of it for two reasons. First, Aaron started smiling at us! There WAS a little person in there. And second, Sam started showing signs of stress. I still have bad days, but that was my sign that I needed to move forward, and for the most part, I think we have.
I write all this on the off chance that some other mom with a child s/p neurologic injury ever reads this. Don't give up hope! Everyone told me the same, and I could hardly dare to hope...but we are doing so much better now than we were.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
We are pleased to announce that our son, Aaron Jacob Jane, was born on Thursday, March 6th at 3:22 am. He weighed 8lbs, 3 oz. at birth. Unfortunately, he had a rocky delivery by emergency cesarean and got transfered to the neonatal intensive care unit at Univ of Mich, where he is being treated. He seems to be a fighter and is doing as well as can be expected. We ask you to keep him in your thoughts and prayers.
Lauren has been recovering at St. Joseph Mercy Hospital and should be discharged this afternoon. She is anxious to be reunited with Aaron! We appreciate all of your phone calls, prayers and offers of assistance.
I remember this first email, trying to figure out what to tell people. We wanted to be as positive as possible and tried not to stigmatize our little one.
Thank you to everyone for your well wishes. I am home from the hospital. Unfortunately, Aaron was deprived of oxygen at birth. We feel fortunate that he was able to be transferred to UM where they have started cooling babies to try to prevent brain injury with some promising results. We have heard of some miraculous recoveries so of course that is what we are praying for. They have started rewarming him today. He remains on the ventilator. It promises to be a very long road with likely setbacks, but we can only pray that the steps forward will outweigh the setbacks. We appreciate any prayers/well wishes you can send up for our little boy.
We are not yet up for visitors but hope to see you all when he is doing better. We will try to send pictures then, he is truly beautiful with dark hair.
Lauren and Matt
We would like to thank you for all the heartfelt messages of support, love, prayers and offers of help. It has truly been a blessing and helped to give us strength.
The best news is that Matt and I held our little boy tonight. He has been off of the ventilator for over 24 hours now and his breathing is strong. Unfortunately, he has had some seizures on the monitors (nothing the doctors or nurses can see, but on an EEG monitor). No one is sure what that means for Aaron but he is being treated for them. The medicine makes him very sleepy, so we are still waiting for him to wake up. There are some very promising signs and we continue to pray for his full recovery. This will be a marathon, but our little boy shows every sign of being a fighter. We will continue to send updates when we are able and our deepest gratitude again for your friendship.
Lauren and Matt
Oh, holding Aaron for the first time was so wonderful. I can honestly say it was the first time I really thought about bringing him home. Before that, I couldn't even walk into the nursery at home. I was still so scared because he continued to be comatose. His gag and suck reflexes were weak and he was rag-doll floppy.
Our friends and family were amazing. My mom moved in, and my dad was around almost non-stop. My sister came in from DC and to this day, I don't know how I would have survived without them. Friends brought food, gifts for Sam. We were too worried to even see anyone, but our friends persisted in offering support. It was the blessing of this ordeal.
Aaron is doing much better. He is a little more awake every day. Today, he has nursed for about 6-7 minutes twice. He is still not digesting too well, probably due to some of his medicines, but we are very encouraged by the nursing. There haven't been seizures. We had a scare on Thursday night when he had a fever, but his cultures have all been negative and his temps are now fine. He still hasn't shown us a good strong cry but he does make lots of little growly noises. We have some cute pictures which I will forward as soon as I can get a chance. He looks just like Matt's baby pics! I am really proud of how he is doing considering all he has been through.
I want to thank you all for all the food, prayers, and well wishes. We feel so grateful for your support and look forward to introducing Aaron when he is stronger.
The nursing was so exciting for me. I was starting to admire this little man, he was such a fighter!
Attached are a couple pictures of Aaron. Sorry that it took so long. We have many more that we will email soon, especially since he will be coming home on Monday! He has made a lot of progress over the last few days and feeding has gone very well. Thanks again for all of your love and support. Lauren and I truly have been touched and amazed by how generous and thoughtful each of you have been. We look forward to introducing you to our new son.
Matt and Lauren
This was the last post before we brought Aaron home. I got mastitis and was hospitalized myself for 3 days. The best thing about that was that they let me take Aaron for 24 hours in my hospital room, a good "dry run" for going home. Also, Sam visited us both in the hospital. During the pregnancy, I had looked forward so much to Sam visiting his new baby brother and he wasn't able to see him in the NICU at all. So, we were sort of able to recreate that moment.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
The pregnancy was smooth. Where I had delivered before my due date with Sam, Aaron didn't seem to want to leave the womb. We had scheduled a C section for a few days after my due date. By that time, I was having very frequent contractions and felt I wanted to give my body just a few more days. My doctor and her partner said this was OK, and even said it would be OK to go until after 41 weeks and consider induction. I said no to both and was scheduled for a CS on March 7. We went to the doctor on the 5th and the baby looked great. I told my husband I felt at peace with the C section on the 7th. We made plans to go to the movies on the 6th for one last date before our baby was born. I did take some castor oil on the 5th in the early afternoon, with the doctor's blessing.
We went to bed at 11 pm on the 5th. I was having some Braxton Hicks contractions but nothing unusual. I woke up at midnight and was having more intense contractions. I woke my husband and we called the doctor and my parents. We were laughing and joking and contractions were manageable. I went to get ready to leave. Within a half hour, I was in agony on my bathroom floor with contractions one on top of the other. This was not what we expected. My husband tried to get our son ready to go to the hospital with us. I couldn't move to get dressed. I thought the baby was going to be born at home. Then, the contractions slowed way down. At the time, I thought G-d was giving me a chance to get out the door. Now, I think this is probably when my uterine scar began to tear.
When I got to the hospital, I am told I slumped over in the wheelchair. I remember being in triage and the baby's heartrate was in the 70s. I was bleeding. They checked me and I realized what had happened. My uterus had ruptured and the baby was out in my abdomen. I was taken to a crash C section. I was certain my son had died and that my decision to try for a vaginal delivery had killed him.
I still flash back on my pregnancy and that horrible night fairly frequently. I still feel responsible for what happened to my baby and I think I always will. But on most days, I realize that I can't change the past and I am trying to make it up to him with every day we have together now.
I know that a miserable mother racked with guilt will just hurt him again.