Pumping woes...continued

After some initial gains in Aaron's feeding after discontinuing egg, milk, and soy in my diet, we went ahead and started soy formula, mixed with breast milk. (Aaron's allergy testing for soy was mildly elevated on one test, normal on another). At first, all was well...but after about 10 days, we started seeing some return of his gagging, feeding refusal, etc. So, now I am back to pumping more because he won't take the non-milk, non-soy formula well and back to not eating soy. It's getting a little old. Warning: the next paragraph is blatantly LaLeche league material, pro breast feeding. If you are going to roll your eyes or laugh, do so privately! If you are sensitive about not nursing, skip.

So, what I wanted to say is...I really, really enjoyed nursing Sam. It's hard to explain to those who haven't breastfed and plenty of nursing moms never feel this way, but I did. And because day in and day out I talk to moms about the pros of breast feeding, it never occured to me that I wouldn't be able to. I miss almost everything about it. I miss the snuggles, the milky smile, that mom-baby pair and exclusivity of being the one and only one to provide the baby's preferred feeds. I miss the ease of always having food available. I miss knowing that I am doing the best for my kid. I miss sitting at the mall with the other nursing moms, kind of an exclusive club of sorts. I miss feeding sitting indian style at the park with the baby in my lap. I miss the guilty pleasure of having to stop whatever I was doing to feed the baby, laying side by side in my bed or on the couch. So I think part of the reason I have kept pumping is that in addition to believing strongly that breast milk is best for Aaron, he and I didn't get to have that experience, and the minute I stop pumping, that chapter of my life is over. And I hadn't been ready to say goodbye.

But, recently, I finally was ready. And now....I can't stop. So, I am blogging now waiting for my date with the pump at midnight. A poor substitute for Mr. Baby Right...que sera...